How to be an ally as an LGBTQ+ person

The LGBTQ+ umbrella covers an incredibly diverse group of people with very different experiences. That means your experience, while valuable, is not universal. Other members of the LGBTQ+ community are shaped by their own gender, race, class, size, ability, orientation, age, status and more, just like you are.

LGBTQ+ is a wide label that encompasses many people who should feel safe, accepted and supported by their LGBTQ+ community. But issues like transphobia and bi-erasure also exist within the LGBTQ+ community. Everyone should be celebrated for who they are; no one’s identity discounts anyone else’s.

As part of the LGBTQ+ community you already know a lot about the LGBTQ+ world. But the LGBTQ+ community is constantly in flux, growing and evolving, so it’s important to remember that there’s always more to learn.  

Coming out is unique for everyone. Coming out with your sexual orientation isn’t the same as disclosing your gender identity. Other people may be ready to come out or disclose on a different timeline than you or have a very dissimilar experience. That’s OK!

Everyone’s understanding of their gender and sexuality is personal. Some people may use a name or set of pronouns and later decide to change them; others may feel comfortable under one label for a while and later come to realize another fits better. But everyone needs the support of their LGBTQ+ community at every stage of their discovery.

Just because a word empowers you, doesn’t mean it empowers someone else. Queer was a derogatory slur and remains offensive to some members—but at the same time, it’s also become widely accepted as a reclaimed, inclusive term, one that many are proud to identify as. Be aware of how someone else in the community feels about a term before applying your language to them. Let others tell you who they are. 

Class and economic status, gender, race, age, ability: These forms of privilege exist within the LGBTQ+ community as much as any other. Recognize the privileges you have and the ways that impacts your experience as a member of the LGBTQ+ community.

Some people think that because they’re a member of the LGBTQ+ community, they can use certain words, tell jokes or disparage other members of the community who they may or may not share an identity with. Feel empowered to challenge anti-LGBTQ+ jokes, remarks or behavior wherever they occur, no matter who it comes from.

Show solidarity for the struggles others in your community are facing even if it doesn’t affect your life. Gay men can still support women’s rights; cisgendered LGBTQ+ people should still uplift trans people… and so on. To find ways to support your local LGBTQ+ community, you can also join the diverse network of LGBTQ+ Centers that offer safe spaces and resources for LGBTQ+ people like counseling, social events and volunteer opportunities.