How to be a better ally as a non-LGBTQ+ person

The LGBTQ+ experience is as diverse as humans are—and there’s a lot to learn. It intersects with race, class, ability, education and more. But the burden of educating others shouldn’t be on LGBTQ+ individuals. This guide (and so many others from credible sources like GLAAD and CenterLink) serve as resources to help you broaden your understanding.

It’s easy to take for granted that everyone in the room is the same as you, but that can be isolating for LGBTQ+ people. Don’t assume someone’s pronouns when you meet them—you can even offer yours when you introduce yourself. It’s also great to add your pronouns to things like your email signature as a sign of your support. If someone mentions a partner in conversation, talk about them in gender-neutral terms until their pronouns are confirmed, rather than jumping to conclusions about their gender. 

Language, like gender, is fluid. As the LGBTQ+ community grows and our collective consciousness evolves to understand sexual orientation and gender identity are both spectrums not binaries, so do the ways we talk about these things. It can be easy to feel overwhelmed, but be patient and remain open to learning more. Find a resource that can help you keep learning, listen to the perspectives of your LGBTQ+ loved ones and try to incorporate your new knowledge.

Coming out looks different for everyone. Coming out as gay, bisexual or a lesbian is also a fundamentally different experience than coming out or disclosing your gender identity as a trans or nonbinary person. “Sexual orientation is about who you are attracted to; gender identity is about who you are.” [GLAAD] If your friend is newly out to you, or questioning or exploring their gender or sexuality, support them through the process and treat them the same. Respect their wishes, like using a new pronoun or name, but don’t treat an old friend like a new stranger.

And if you misgender someone or use a term they don’t identify with on accident, apologize quickly and correct yourself. Honest mistakes happen, but big, drawn-out apologies can actually make things worse. Say you’re sorry the way you’d apologize for knocking into someone—quickly and then move on. Acknowledge the mistake, correct yourself and remember for next time!

LGBTQ+ people are often asked intrusive questions about their body, relationships or personal life, like asking a bisexual person if they’re “just indecisive” or asking a trans or nonbinary person what gender they were assigned at birth. Check yourself: Would you ask a straight or cisgender person that same question?

Whether it’s race, class, education, gender, ability or more, privilege takes many forms. Straight and/or cisgender privilege means that you likely have not faced discrimination, personally or politically, on the basis of your sexual orientation or gender identity in the same ways that many LGBTQ+ people have been. Understanding the privilege you have as a straight and/or cisgender person will help you empathize with and fight for your LGBTQ+ friends and many other marginalized groups.

The difficult, even dangerous task of calling out discrimination shouldn’t just be on the LGBTQ+ community. From anti-LGBTQ+ jokes to hate-based violence, as a straight cisgender person, you can use your privilege to speak up, call out this behavior and call in other straight cisgender people to be allies, too.

From supporting the individual LGBTQ+ people in your life to learning about the issues facing the LGBTQ+ community, attending rallies and events, there are many ways to privately or publicly show your support. Allies who take action are key to creating greater acceptance and celebration of the LGBTQ+ community.